The Journal of a teenage Drama Queen

Fuck the world.

2006-02-27T02:19:17Z

I'm going to officially say that I am no longer going to post at LJ anymore. Good-bye. You all have my regards, and my prayer.

Honestly, though, I don't want to wait any longer for Him... He will return soon, I just know it. And when He does, the world will crumble before Him, and I will be in paradise with those who truely love me... And Him.

I'm 44% abnormal.

2006-02-08T23:16:13Z

You Are 44% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

I got my L!

2006-02-07T01:25:59Z

I'm happy. I passed my L test. I can drive now! AHAHA! ^^;

Well, not really... I need to have someone who is "25 years or older in the front-passenger seat with a certified Class 5 liscence or higher" with me. *sigh* So many restrictions... I hate it, but still, I can drive. ^^

Fine.

2006-02-04T01:39:18Z

So I'm assuming you all hate me. Great. My life just went from bad to worse. Thanks a lot. If you want me to leave and never come back, then fine.

Sara, I wanted to tell you today that I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I'm not going to change my opinion just because you disagree with it. I forgive your actions. I forgiveyou, but if you want me to leave, then fine, I'll leave. I'll be gone from everyone's life and I'll sit by myself and stay away from everyone... That's what you all want, right? For me to be miserable, and you guys feel good about yourselves?

Is the whole world against me?

2006-01-31T02:51:25Z

What on earth is going on? I write one SIMPLE little OPINION article, and suddenly, I'm the badguy. It's an opinion article, guys. Ever heard of Freedom of speech? I appreciate those who walk up to me and politely asked me why I believed the way I did about the article, and believe me, I answered their questions, and listened to what they had to say. But I do NOT appreciate those who talked behind my back and talked dirty about me, or even those who came up to my face and started screaming at me and calling me hypocrite.

If you had a problem with the article, too bad, it's an opinion. Turn the page and read something else. Not everybody is going to agree with you, it's society. Get over yourself, guys. If you want to be heard, write your own opinion and get it published, like I did. I wanted my voice to be heard, and I did. I said what should have been heard. At least I know some people are backing me up.

^_______^

2006-01-26T00:44:19Z

I be so happy! I'm so happy, my grammar is leSuckx0r right now. xD Well, I was sitting in R&B yesterday, and Mr Unger sits beside me, and tells me he wants me to write a press release on the R&B shows. I naturally assumed he was talking about the Breezeway, so I said I already did it, but he was talking about the Comox Valley Record, and when he said that, I was completly extatic about the situation, and I wrote the article, along with a photo. I told my dance teacher this, and she wanted me to write all her press releases on the Improv team. This is the greatest experience and oppertunity for me! Then get this! Today, I was working in Journalism, and I had to call the Record for something, and I remembered that my Journalism teacher told me that there was a column that nobody wanted, and I asked about it, and, BAM! I am now writing one 400-word opinion article every three weeks, and I get to write it on whatever I want. Well, within reason. I'm so happy! ^____^

Survey thingy

2006-01-23T06:01:36Z

I stole thins from Bean. Just like his, answer the questions below as if I was asking them. ^^;

What Would You Do If:
�� I said I liked you:
�� I kissed you:
�� I lived next door to you:
�� I started smoking:
�� I stole something:
�� I was hospitalized:
�� I got into a fight and you weren't there:

What Do You Think About My:
�� Personality:
�� Eyes:
�� Face:
�� Hair:
�� Clothes:
�� Manners:

Answer These Too;
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Post.

2006-01-23T05:58:53Z

Today was a good day. I spent the weekend hanging out with Courtenay, Sara, Phil, and Sarita, playing DnD, which was fun, except my character almost died due to a headless zombie and a magic missle tossing me into a very deep puddle, and almost drowning. Blah... Stupid Courtenay's character... Anyway, Sarita and I went to church, and it seemed like she really got into it. I'm glad, since I she may now be getting more into the Christian faith, which makes me happy. I'm starting to train for a 63km walk on June 3rd and 4th, for fundraising to go to Jamaca with my Youth Group. It's gonna kill me! Those who are christian, please pray that I can get into shape by that time, and get as many pledges as I can. To those who aren't, I can take your encouragment! ^^;

A survey I stole from a friend

2006-01-19T06:07:31Z

[x] broke a promise
[x] made a new best friend
[] fallen in love
[] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[] got arrested
[x] kissed in the rain
[] slept under the stars
[] kept your new years resolution
[] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[x] left the country
[] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[x] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[] tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[]snuck out of the house
[] stayed up till sunrise
[] met someone from myspace in person
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[x] partied more than 5 times
[] was never home on weekends
[] got into a car accident
[x] found a person i never thought i'd become real good friends with
[x] had friends who were drifting away from me
[x] had someone close to me die
[x] became wiser
[] had a high cell phone bill
[] had a fist fight
[x] went to the beach
[x] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] had a wasted night
[x] became closer to a lot of people

A quiz thing I stole from Sarita

2006-01-14T03:45:38Z

I wrote this lastnight, so it's a little out-of-date, but eh.

1.First Name: Hillary
2.Middle Name: Rose
3.Last name: I'm not that blonde.
4.Nicknames: Moon, Moonweaver, Munaki
5.City: ___________
6.Guy or Gal: *is 100% female* At least I should hope so.
7.Zodiac Sign: Scorpio.
8.Siblings: Twin sister, younger brother, two older sisters.

9.Pet(s): CRAZY CAT.
10.Hair Color: Red, but it was origionally dirty blonde.
11.Eye Color: Blue-green-brown
13.What hand do you write with?: Write.
14.Hair Length: Just below the collar bone.
15.Do you bite your nails? When there's something wrong.

RELATIONSHIPS:

18. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes'm I do.
19. If so what is their name?: Andrew, but everyond calls him Bean.
20. Are you gay?: No.

FASHION STUFF:

21. Where do you shop the most?: At a store.
22. Do you have any piercing?: Five ear piercings.
23. Do you have a tattoo?: No, and I don't intend to... At least not for a while.
24. What is it or What do you want?: Not a clue.

THE EXTRA STUFF:

25. Do you do drugs?: Pain killers and vitamins.
26. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: Doesn't really matter, but right now I'm using European forumulae.
27. What are you most scared of?: Being rejected by those I love...
28. If you could go anywhere, where would it be?: Heaven.
29. What are you listening to right now?: The tv, and computer noises.
30. Who are you talking to right now?: Bean
31. What time is it?: 10:07p.m.
32. Do You Have Your Own Phone Line? No.
33. What's the last four digits of your phone number? ####.
34. What shoes do you wear? Slip-ons.
35. What clothes do you sleep in?: The stuff I was wearing that day. Or pj's if I'm not lazy.
36. What kind of car do you have? I don't have a car.
37. Who is the last person who called you?: Bean, but he wasn't home, so I was talking to his mom.
38. Where do you want to get married?: Where I grew up.
39. Favorite Celebrity?: Jim Carry. He's hilarious.
40. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? My fat issues in my theighs and tummy.

FAVORITES:

41. Color: Faded-green
42. Number: 40
43. Song: Falling in Love - Falling Up
44. Movie: I've only seen it once, but Chronicals of Narnia rocks.
45. Candy: Cherry blasts.
46. Band: Falling Up or Disturbed.
47. TV show: House.
48. Food: Lasagna, Taco, and Falafel, I suppose.
49. Fast food restaurant?: Do I have to choose? Subway, if they count.
50. Nail polish color: I don't wear nailpolish.
51. Age: I don't have a favourite age. I'm still a child at heart.
52. Subject in school: Journalism
53. Bath or Shower?: Bubble baths. I like soaking. ^^
54. Teacher: Ms Munro, because she's nice to talk to, Mr Unger, because he's great to make fun of.
55. Game: Chrono Trigger, any Final Fantasy (FF7!!)

HAVE YOU EVER:

56. Gotten drunk?: Yes.
57. Bungee Jumped?: No
58. Went sky diving?: No
59. Broke the law?: I shoplifted, but that's about it.
60. Ran from the cops?: No.
61. Tried to kill yourself?: No.
62. Made yourself throw up?: Once, but that was because I had nothing to eat all day, and I binged and I felt like crap.
63. Gone skinny dipping?: No.
65. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: I don't remember.

WHICH IS WORSE:

66. Barfing on your date or date barfing on you? That would suck, but I think it would be more embarrasing if you did it to your date.
67. Having your Tonsils or your appendix removed? Appendix. The only reason that one was removed was because it ruptured or was about to burst or something.

HAVE YOU EVER...
73. Eaten an entire pack of KD: Yes, and belive me, never do it.
74. Caused a car accident?: No
75. Seen the ocean? Well, I /live/ a half an hour's walk away... No, I've never seen the ocean. </sarcasm>

THIS OR THAT

76. Night or Day: Day
77. Boxers or Briefs: Briefs.
78. Ocean or lake: Ocean
79. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
80. Love or lust: Love
81. Silver or gold: Either or.
82. Pencil or pen: Pencil
85. Rose or tulip: Rose

IN THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...

86. Cried? No
87. Bought something? Lunch.
88. Worn a skirt? Nope
89. Gone for a walk? Yes
90. Gone for a drive? No
91. Gone out for dinner? Nope
92. Taken a test? Not unless this one counts.
95. Watched your favourite movie? No.
96. Given someone a present? No
97. Missed someone? Yes
98. Hugged someone: Yes
99. Kissed someone: No
100. Danced with someone: Yes
101. Had a nightmare: No
102. Fought with your parents?: No

Why me?

2006-01-12T00:57:10Z

I'm always being called a bitch for no reason whatsoever! Seriously, it's getting annoying! I'm always the messenger. DON'T SHOOT ME. I'm always caught in the crossfire, and I don't want to be apart of that anymore. Everyone calls me a bitch. Am I? No. Courtenay, this is directed to you. I'm not a bitch, you're just upset because you're not getting your way. I'm not going to keep sending angry messages to other people for you. Do it yourself.

Random update...

2006-01-10T02:33:17Z

Yeah, not much going on today. I had some trouble in Planning, but that's only because I was bored and had the assignment done, and I didn't want to be in the same room as that annoying class... Other than t hat, I had a pretty good day. Unger complimented me on my singing in R&B today. He said I have some pitch issues to work out, but I improved greatly since the beginning of the class. That made me happy. ^^ We're having an R&B concer on February 1st, so if anybody lives in my area and wants to watch me have some fun and sing in front of a large group of random people I have probably never met in my lives, then come right on down! Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Later.

I needed to let it out...

2006-01-09T05:18:11Z

Okay, on Saturday night, I was with Bean, Courtenay, and Fluffy, just hanging out and having fun. I really don’t know why, but a lot of stuff that happened that day made me think about my life, and how much crap I’ve gone through. I wanted to tell Bean everything that night. Whenever he was holding me, I just wanted to cling to him and let it all out. I wanted to cry and just have him there to comfort me.

I don’t want to hold in my sadness anymore. I feel prosecuted at school, ignored at home, and rejected everywhere else except with my friends and those who really do care about me. The only times I feel happy are when I’m with my real friends, at the church, or with Bean. I can’t bear the pain of this guilt anymore. I feel like I’m loosing all control… Friday night, I woke up and I couldn’t move. I felt like I was being weighed down by all of the burdens in my life. I was in my bed, either awake or dreaming... I couldn’t remember. But I knew I felt too heavy to move. I was restricted, and I felt vulnerable and scared. This post is all about my life. All about how I feel rejected, ignored, and yelled at constantly.

I was born in Victoria, just seventeen minutes after my sister, at 7:29 am, October 28, 1988. My mom never breast-fed us, so both Courtenay and I have low immune systems, thus getting sick a lot easier than most regular babies. When I was two, Mom and Dad split up, and Mom took Kyle with her to the United States. After six months, Dad won custody of all three of us, and we lived in Port Hardy, while Dad worked at Island Copper Mine as a blaster. He wasn’t around very much, since he worked week-on, week-off, and we had a nanny, so I didn’t really get to know my dad until I started school. He had been working there for 20 years, and then he was laid off when I was five.

We moved to the Comox Valley, and I went to Tsolum Elementary School up until grade three. My best and I think only friend there was Sara. When I was five years old, Courtenay thought it would be amusing for me to play around in a Barn that my dad was tearing down. I went in, and I slipped and fell forward onto a spike, and it impaled my left knee, going straight through it and permanently damaging the cartalidge. I never went to the hospital for it, because my Grandmother is wierd that way. When I was six, my Grandfather died of a heart attack, because he wouldn't take his medications. There are also other reasons for his death. Some said suicide, but it was ruled out, because of the heart attack. Others said his wife at the time killed him by not giving him his medications. But the Doctors said it was accidental death. We moved shortly after summer started and I ended Grade Three. We moved to Calgary. First school there was Abbydale Elementary. I was made fun of for a while, since I got into Christianity. I met a very nice family, and they invited me to church with them. My eighth birthday I will never forget… Courtenay and I had our first birthday party. We invited eight friends. All of which were Courtenay’s, so I got ignored. I didn’t get any presents from them, either. I felt so rejected, I ran down to the basement (where my bedroom was at the time) and just cried.

We moved shortly after I went from the fourth to the fifth grade, and went to Valley View Elementary for Grade Five, and I only had a very small handful of friends. We moved again after my Dad decided to move in with his girlfriend, which meant new school. Again. Well, Karen hated the fact that my Dad had kids. When I mean hated, I mean HATED. She had two sons: Kelly and Kurtis. Kelly was about 20 years old when I was in Grade Six, and he’s a real nice guy. Kurtis was about 16 or 17, and he was as high as a kite 24/7. Karen always let Kurtis get away with everything, even verbally and physically harassing me. I once told him to shut up and put his money where his mouth is, and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, gasping for air, since Kurtis was kneeling on my breasts, yelling at me and threatening to kill me. His girlfriend was there at the time, screaming to let me go. He also almost killed my brother.

Well, when I started Junior-High School, I only had about two or three friends. The rest of the people there picked on my and beat me up. This was about when I started having anger management problems. I was failing English, and barely passing any other class except my electives. In grade eight, I was coming out of gym class, and the “most popular guy in school” walked right up to me and punched me in the chest, forcing me into a locker door. I slid down to the floor, and he started kicking me in the chest and face. He picked me up by the cuff of my shirt and threw me into an open locker, and I wasn’t found for two hours. Wanna know the reason why he did that? Someone said he was afraid to hit a girl, so they chose me as a target. When I went home that day, nobody asked me why I had a bruise on my cheek, and why I was limping and having trouble breathing.

My Dad and I got into a car accident In February of 2001. I had permanent whiplash and neck-and-shoulder damage. I was forced to quit any sports and track teams I was on, and Dad had two herniated disks in the back of his neck. My dad sued for $500,000, and I for $5000, and it took four years before we got the settlement, and by that time, the judge said that he could have gotten back into the workforce, but if he did, then the Judge would have said that he wasn’t as injured as he claimed to be, to it was a catch 22. Dad only got $70,000, and I got $1000, but after our lawyer took his share, I barely got $700, and dad’s $70,000 turned to about $47,000. Furthermore, I don’t even get my money until I’m 18. Right around this time, I got a phonecall from a doctor telling me my Grandmother had died due to some sort of lung problem. It was morbid, since I was the first to know.

In grade nine, I was taking the bus to my friends’ house across town, and a man started talking to me. He asked me out, and asked me to go to his place. I knew what he was going after, and I decided to walk the rest of the way. When I stood up, he grabbed my hand to keep me there, but I screamed and ran away. That was my first encounter with a rapist.

At the end of the school year, I managed to get a half-decent mark in Science, and I got my final report card. Obviously, Courtenay would boast about her Oh-So high marks, and I would try to ignore it, like always, but I would always end up shedding at least one tear because I always got the lecture about getting a good job when I got older, and Courtenay would be praised and she would be the perfect example of what to do. That sucked. Then there was Carmen. She was my bully for four years. Eventually, she was following me around and picking on me. I stopped, turned around, and then socked her in the nose. She said she’d get me back and ran off.

That was about when I started getting very violent. I started teaching myself how to fight and defend myself. During the summer when I was going to transfer to High school, my Dad walked into my room at 9:00am, tossed some boxes and a suitcase at me, and said “Pack up, we’re moving to B.C.” We were on the highway and out of Calgary by 11am. I didn’t even get to give my friends a real goodbye… One of them even thought I was joking until she hadn’t heard from me in three days. We left a lot of things back in Calgary, and Karen, the bitch, either sold it or kept it for herself. THEN she demanded money, even though Dad sold our car to give her money.

We moved back to the Valley, and I went to GP Vanier in grade 10. I re-met a few old friends, and some new ones. We found a place to live in Black Creek, and I thought that my life was finally turning around. Little did I know that it wasn’t really. We had problems with the skinheads at school; I was still being ignored at home, and my dad had no job and little money. On my 16th birthday, I was under the influence of Alcohol, and Byron (a friend of my ex-friend, Olivia) tried getting into my pants, but failed, since someone walked in right in the nick of time.

I got my first boyfriend (Alex) right around Valentines Day in Grade 11. It lasted two months, and then we broke up. We’re still friends, so it’s fine, and no hard feelings. I was single the rest of the year, and when semester two exams came up, I met my second boyfriend (Steven). We were happy for the first three months, but then it went downhill and he broke up with me the day before our four-month, and only a week before my birthday, for a really stupid reason. It was because I was “less Christ-like.” I don’t know what his problem is. I think he has something against Mennonites.

My life went downhill really quickly. My landlord had a major stroke and was sent to the hospital right before Christmas last year. He was taken off of life-support, and was not expected to live. They left him for three weeks without food, and almost no water, and he managed to survive. A few months after he was let out of the hospital, his wife was admitted to hospital, but soon later died of brain cancer. It was very sad. We soon after that learned that Alfred wasn’t going to sell us the house, and we would soon need to move.

My Dad soon after that got a really good job working as a driller up at Mt. Polley Mine, up in Williams Lake. The pay is great, but he’s only here a week at a time, and then my uncle has to take care of us. He’s a real jackass, prick, dickhead… The list goes on. He’s also physically abusive. Wanna know the worst part? My Dad has no idea that he hits us (though it is rare), and when we did tell him, he didn’t believe us.

I got back into Christianity right around I got back to school and started Grade 12. I became happier and more energetic and stuff. I even made honours on my first report card this year. I have a new boyfriend now, and we will be going out for about two weeks on Wednesday, and I’m really happy with him, but the rest of my life is total crap, and I just wanted to let it out and cry, so I expressed myself through writing. I’m just too damn shy to tell anybody freely about it…

New Book

2006-01-09T00:32:28Z

I'm starting to write a new book. It's called Scarlet Moon. It's about a boy who becomes a king and saves the entire world his father rules over. It's also a love story. I've never written a love story, so I'm writing this one to be. Oh yeah, if you guys didn't know, I'm an author, just none of my books are published, or done. ^^; I'm currently writing a series with my friend, it's called Dark Earth. It's basically just like the Dark Earth forums, only more elaborate, and in a book format. I'm thinking about continuing on with another book about a girl who turns into a werewolf and there's a sort of apocalypse and a war between werewolves and these Demon-type-things. The demons can free change to and from bein human, and when they change, they're tall, skinny, and almost shadow-like with very long dragon-like wings. I'm also writing a poetry book, which is over half-done.

Well, that's all I really have to say right now. Talk to you all later.

Well,

2006-01-08T16:44:09Z

Hey, look at this, my fist lj post. Whoo. I really don't know what to write here... It's sunday morning, and I got back from hanging out with my boyfriend, my sis, and her boyfriend lastnight. The moment I got home I hit the pillow. I was so tired. We were playing Magic while we were waiting for the bus, and Fluff was waving his hand in my face, thinking I was spaced out. Everyone then thought I was upset about something when I said I could hear them. It was odd.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say. Byebye all.